


Jared Kleinman's Rainbow

by nickwritesstuff



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bad Parenting, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Enemies, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 03:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21068375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickwritesstuff/pseuds/nickwritesstuff
Summary: Jared hadn't always been like this. He was such a bright and happy child, so what happened? And more importantly, what will happen?





	Jared Kleinman's Rainbow

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: I used some homophobic slurs towards the middle of the fic. If you're sensitive to that, or it makes you uncomfortable, please don't read this fic!
> 
> Otherwise, I hope you'll enjoy.

When he was four, Jared Kleinman met a boy in kindergarten. He had blond hair and huge blue eyes Jared had only seen in Disney movies. Jared liked this boy, even though he didn't talk. He didn't even know his name, but hey, Jared talked enough for both of them.

They became friends in such a short period of time, Jared almost didn't notice, even though it took him almost a week to get his name. Evan. Jared liked this name.

They were playing together all the time. Jared let Evan play with his small red truck he loved so much. He didn't even let his mom touch it, but he trusted Evan. He played with the truck so carefully like he thought it was gonna break any minute. It didn't.

About a month later, Evan asked if Jared wanted to come over to his house. He told Jared it's just Evan and his mom now, because his dad left with a truck similar to Jared's, only a lot bigger, and less red. Jared asked his mom when she went to pick him up. She said yes, so they waited for Evan's mom to come.

She came an hour too late, wearing hospital green clothes, and she was panting. Jared looked up from the cards his mom gave them to play with, and waved towards the woman. He knew she was Evan's mom, they had the same blond hair, hers was only a lot longer.

She introduced herself and hugged Evan at the same time. She looked at him like he was going to cry or something. Jared grinned and stretched his arm out, just like his mom teached him.

"I'm Jared," he said with a wide smile. Evan's mom took his hand and shook it carefully.

"Nice to meet you, Jared," she smiled as well. Jared thought she was pretty. She looked old, but she had beautiful hair.

Jared's mom said goodbye and left after giving Evan's mom her phone number and their address just in case something happened. Jared didn't know what could happen, but he didn't care. He was busy showing Evan a cool handshake he invented. Well, not invented, he saw some guys do it on the street and he liked it, so he showed it to Evan.

Being at Evan's house was a lot more fun than just hanging out in kindergarten. Evan had at least five stuffed animals. Five! Jared's mom only let him keep one, but at least he got new cars he could play with. He still missed Mr Snuggles though.

After Evan showed Jared his toys, they decided to play with stuff from Evan's shelf. They found a huge puzzle. Evan said he liked puzzles cause they helped him calm down. Jared didn't understand why Evan would need to calm down, nothing was happening after all, but he didn't ask.

At the end of the day, Evan's mom said Jared had to go home, and that his mom was waiting in the car. Jared nodded and hugged Evan before hopping down the stairs. He didn't shut up about how cool Evan was until they got home. Jared's mom smiled and took Jared's hand as they went inside.

The kitchen was too clean. Jared knew what that meant, his dad had been drinking again and messed it up. Jared made a face and dashed into his room, locking the door. That was the procedure. If the kitchen was clean, he had to lock the door. He didn't know why, his mom said it's for his safety or whatever.

He picked up a piece of paper and started drawing Evan's house and his mom, and finally Evan and Jared as they were playing with Evan's toys. Jared wished he could invite Evan over, but his mom said no. She never explained, but she looked so sad Jared didn't want to ask any more questions.

He was six and it was the first day of school. He'd been excited for days, he was finally going to school! He wasn't a little boy anymore, he was in first grade. Evan was also in first grade now.

Jared had learned that Evan has anxiety. It's hard to pronounce and even harder to understand, but Jared got it. Basically Evan was afraid all the time, or something like that. He also had these anxiety attacks, which weren't physical attacks to Jared's relief. Evan said sometimes he can't breath normally and his heart is beating too fast, and he even passed out that one time. Jared had never seen one of these attacks, but his and Evan's mom helped him prepare for one.

He sat next to Evan in class. He didn't know anyone else other than Stinky Sam, and Jared was not dumb enough to sit next to her. She was... Well, stinky.

Jared liked sitting next to Evan. He didn't talk much, but he laughed quietly when Jared made a joke every now and then. He didn't want to get Evan in trouble, so he stopped when the teacher was looking at them.

When school was over, Jared's mom didn't come to pick him up. He waited for so long even Evan's mom arrived. She called Jared's mom and after a few minutes, she took Jared's hand and said he'll sleep at their place today. Jared was happy, because he liked being with Evan, but it felt like something bad happened.

"It's my dad, isn't it," Jared said rather than asked when Evan went into his room, leaving his mom with Jared. Evan's mom nodded.

"It'll be okay, your mom just needs to get some things done," she said with a sad smile. "She'll pick you up tomorrow after school."

"I don't have anything with me," Jared frowned. "Not even clothes. I can't wear these, I'm gonna be like Stinky Sam."

Evan's mom laughed. "You can borrow Evan's things, I'm sure he'll let you. Now go, I'm gonna order pizza, how 'bout that?"

Jared smiled and nodded. He loved pizza. When he was with Evan, they always had either pizza or Chinese food. Jared liked pizza better cause it wasn't slimy and weird. It was just pizza.

The next day, he was wearing Evan's shirt. It was blue and it had a tree and three clouds on it. Jared knew that because he liked math so he learned to count to ten. Evan was amazed when Jared told him that. He wasn't good at math, he always messed up the order of the numbers. Jared wrote them down for him, and they spent the day drawing figures out of them.

Jared went outside and smiled when his mom's car was on the road in front of the school. He hugged Evan and told him he'll bring the shirt back tomorrow, and climbed inside the familiar car. His mom smiled and hugged him from the seat. Jared didn't say anything about the bruises under her eyes.

Jared was ten years old when Evan wanted to walk him home after school. His mom didn't show up again, and Evan had been going home alone for a year now. Jared agreed. He didn't like going home alone. His mom was probably still sore after yesterday. Jared didn't see what happened, but his mom was crying and his dad was yelling. That was enough for him to hide under his bed with his truck and a pillow.

When the boys arrived, Jared hugged Evan and went inside, then froze. The kitchen was a mess, plates were on the ground and the table was flipped upside down. In the middle there stood Jared's dad. He looked at Jared who whimpered and stepped back, only for his back to press against the closed door.

"Why are you hugging boys?" his dad asked slowly, moving towards Jared.

"He's my friend," he said, eyes already burning.

"Men don't hug their friends, how many times do I have to tell you?" his dad's voice grew louder and louder with each word, and it almost seemed like he was getting bigger as well. Or maybe Jared was shrinking. "Do you want to become a faggot? Are you a faggot?"

"N- no."

"Then why the fuck are you crying?" his father yelled, making Jared flinch. "There will be no homos in this household!"

Jared had to wear long sleeves the next day. When someone asked him about his eye, he said he fell down the stairs. Only Evan knew there were no stairs in his home, but Jared knew Evan wouldn't judge him. At least he hoped.

Thankfully Evan didn't ask anything other than "are you okay?". Jared nodded and went back to drawing a rainbow over some trees he drew.

"You're really good," Evan said while he was watching Jared draw. Jared grinned as he finished the drawing, and scribbled "From: Jared To: Evan" to the bottom right corner.

"There. I drew it for you."

Evan smiled and took the drawing. "Thank you. I'll keep it forever, so when you're famous, I can say I have it!"

At fourteen, Jared already knew he had to push Evan away. He was too sweet, his hair was too blond, his eyes were too blue and he was too beautiful. Jared's dad would kill him if he knew he even thought about this.

"Hey, Jared," Evan appeared next to him, smiling nervously. "Did you change seats? I thought we were gonna sit together in math."

"You thought wrong," Jared rolled his eyes. God, this hurt. "I wanna sit with Lily, have you seen her boobs? She has the biggest ones in the whole class."

"Oh," Evan seemed taken aback. His smile was gone. "Sorry, I guess I didn't see."

"How could you not see them?" Jared laughed loudly. "Are you like gay or something?"

He made sure he was talking loudly so people would look at them. Evan hated when people were looking at him, so he would probably leave pretty soon.

"No, I just-" he stopped halfway through. "Nevermind, I gotta go. See you at lunch?"

"No way, I'm having lunch with the guys," Jared said. "You know, my real friends."

"I'm not your real friend?" Evan asked, voice quiet and high. Jared almost gave in, but the thought of his dad beating the shit out of him stopped him.

"Obviously," he said finally. "We're family friends. Totally different thing! Just tell your mom to tell my mom I was nice to you."

"Why?" Evan looked puzzled, trying to figure out if this was a joke or not. Jared bit his lip to make it stop shaking.

"So my parents will pay my car insurance in the future? Hello, I'll get a car next year, remember?"

Evan nodded before leaving Jared alone in the hall. He sighed and turned to the small crowd looking at him. "What?"

"Did you just break up with your boyfriend, Homo?" one of the boys asked with a mean grin. Jared let out a forced laugh.

"Oh please, I'm more into Lily and her new melons," he smirked and the boys laughed. He was starting to finally fit in.

"Mom, I'm gay," he said when he was seventeen. His mom nodded and grabbed his hand just like she used to when he was younger.

"I know, honey," she smiled sadly. "Please don't tell your dad."

"I wasn't going to," he laughed with no humour. His mom wiped a tear off his cheek. "Why don't you hate me?"

"Jared, I could never hate you," his mom said. "You could call me and say you killed someone and I'd help you hide the corpse."

"Thanks," Jared chuckled as he moved to hold his mom's other hand as well. "I had a fight with Evan."

"Was it about the Connor Project?"

Jared nodded. "I- uh I helped him with the project, but he acted like I wasn't even there. I guess it was fair, I've been treating him like shit for years."

"Language."

"Sorry, mom."

They sat in silence for a while before his mom spoke up again. "You've been friends for so long. I'm sure you can talk this out."

"He hates me," Jared shook his head. His mom pulled him into a hug.

"I'm sure he doesn't. Talk to him, honey."

"He won't want to be my friend."

"Maybe it will take time," his mother said, "but he will forgive you. Hell, maybe he'll want to be more than friends."

"Thank you," Jared whispered into his mom's sweater, making it wet with tears.

He was done with high school by the time he had the courage to write to Evan. He hoped he still had the same phone number as he wrote his text.

**To: Treeboy**

_hey_

_can we talk?_

He eyed his phone anxiously for minutes before it buzzed.

**From: Treeboy**

_When?_

**To: Treeboy**

_now?_

**From: Treeboy**

_Come to my house, I'm alone._

Jared sighed and left his room. He lived with only his mom now in a smaller house, but he was happier. His mom as well. She smiled more and winced less. Jared was finally brave enough to get a rainbow pin.

"Wow, you're smiling," his mom said when she saw him. "Good news?"

"I'm just going to see Evan," Jared bit his lip. He was scared, yes. But it's been so long since they spent some quality time together.

His mom smiled. "I'm proud of you. Good luck."

"Thank you," he hugged his mom quickly before grabbing a jacket and leaving the house.

Evan opened the door before Jared could ring the bell. He didn't let himself smile, so he just nodded. Evan nodded back, and stepped aside to let Jared in.

It's been so long since he'd been over. The house was even smaller than Jared remembered. He smiled when he saw the kitchen, they used to sit there waiting for the food to arrive. The living room that was right next to the kitchen, only the counter dividing the two. They played there a lot too. Jared always brought his favourite colored pencils and they could draw for hours.

"What did you want to talk about?" Evan asked, probably getting tired of Jared just standing there in silence. He shook his head and turned to face Evan.

"You know what," he said. He only looked at Evan now, taking in every inch of him. He got even skinnier, Jared didn't know that was possible. There were bags under his eyes, and oh god, his eyes. Even though they seemed less blue somehow, Jared still couldn't look at them for too long.

"Right," Evan sighed. Then, without waiting for Jared to even start apologizing, he spoke up. "Look, I'm so sorry. I was an ass during the Connor Project. I really shouldn't have ignored you, mainly because you helped me the most."

Jared opened his mouth and closed it. He cleared his throat, afraid his voice might come out higher than intended, and laughed awkwardly. "Well, I didn't see that coming."

Evan's eyes widened. "What do you mean? You came here to hear me apologize, didn't you?"

"No, you dumbass," Jared rolled his eyes, "I wanted to say sorry for treating you like shit for so long."

Evan tensed. "And this is something I didn't see coming."

Jared laughed at that, not the loud, obnoxious laugh he used around Evan in the past few years. No, it was the honest chuckle he let out when he managed to beat Evan in a video game or if he told a stupid joke that made Evan laugh. Then he got serious.

"I'm not gonna blame this on my dad," he started. "It was only partly his fault. I got this idea that being emotional and- and being gay is not normal for a man."

He didn't look at Evan. Not yet. He didn't want to see the disgust in those beautiful eyes.

"So I pushed you away, because you made me emotional," he took a deep breath, "and gay."

Neither of them spoke for a few seconds. Jared wasn't brave enough to look up, and Evan didn't seem to move. That was good, Jared probably wasn't gonna get beaten up.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Evan asked eventually. It's been too long since either of them talked, so even though he was barely whispering, Jared nearly jumped. "It could've ended so much less dramatically."

"I hated myself," Jared said. "I didn't deserve anything but what my dad gave to me. I didn't deserve you. I still don't. I just wanted you to know."

Then Evan moved. Jared only heard it, then closed his eyes, waiting for Evan to punch him. Maybe that's why he let a tear slip out when Evan pulled him into a hug.

"We both fucked this up, didn't we?" he laughed as he held Jared close. Jared finally curled his arms around Evan's waist, tangling his fingers into his shirt. He didn't answer, only nodded. "Do you think we can fix it?"

"Do you want us to?" Jared found himself say, his voice filled with hope. Evan pulled away, but didn't move too far. Just enough for him to look at Jared seriously.

"I do," Evan said when Jared was twenty-eight. Jared couldn't stop smiling as he heard the words he'd been waiting to hear for maybe about twenty-four years.

"You may kiss the groom."


End file.
